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Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Curse of Chris Healy!

King Tutankhamen

Not every piece at The King's View is going to be of the stoic, tedious political variety.  You'll have to go to The Hartford Courant and read one of Kevin Rennie's columns if you're looking only for that. :) We've been urged to throw in a bit of humor now and then to keep the setting light.  After all, humor is the music of the soul. And we could all use a bit of laughter to get us through the winter blues...

3500 years ago in Ancient Egypt there lived a Pharaoh named Tutankhamun. The boy-king came to power at the age of 7 after his father, Akhenaten, was forced to abdicate his throne by Egyptian high priests after an uprising over his family's attempted force-conversion of Egypt to monotheism - specifically, worship of the God Aten.  Guided by his step-mother, Nefertiti, Tutankhamum ruled Egypt until his untimely death at the age of 18.  Theories abound that the cause of death was suspicious, but scholars believe that he simply died of infection resulting from a broken leg, combined with leiomyomata.

Tutankhamen was buried in the Land of the Pharaohs along side other noble Kings and Queens. As with the ritual of the time, a curse was installed by use of the magnetic placement (N/S/E/W) of the four magick bricks in accordance with Chapter 151 of The Book of the Dead (The Shabti figure "workman", the Torch, the Jackal, and the Djed Pillar).  The words: "Death will come to those who disturb the sleep of the Pharaoh" were inscribed in hieroglyphics on the Wall of Tut's Tomb.  

Despite several unsuccessful attempts at tomb robbing over the centuries, the tomb remained sealed until discovered by Lord Howard Carter on February 23, 1923.   Upon opening the tomb, the curse was released, and the God Osris took revenge on dozens of those involved in descretion of the tomb (extending further misfortune to family, friends, and even pets) . History shows that six years after the opening of the tomb, twelve of the original excavation team were dead. And only one survived up to 1939.

Origin of the Healy Curse

The old bridge now referred as
"Healy's Bridge" still stands today
The story has been related to me as follows: Once upon a time, a young Chris Healy grew up a boy of privileged means. At the age of 23, he went to work on a pivotal Congressional Campaign.  On election night, he was charged with the important responsibility of delivering a box of absentee ballots that a campaign worker had found outside of a polling place lying in a dumpster. He was directed to take the box from the polling place to the Town Hall for tallying. Given the location of the precinct, the ballots were considered favorable to his candidate, and would likely be the critical element that would win the election for his candidate .

Feeling proud and confident, young Healy began his journey. But instead of taking the main road to the town center, he opted to take a short cut by way of the old train trestle that crossed the winding river.  In his haste, he ran and lost his footing in-between two planks, and tripped.  Healy watched as the box of ballots flew high into the air and slowly and steadily zig-zagged to the water below.  A saddened Healy continued to the Town Hall knowing that he may have accidently sealed his candidate's fate.

Upon arriving at the Registrar's Office, he was met by elderly Egyptian woman who had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the ballots. When poor Healy related his story, her dark eyes narrowed and she abruptly flew into a angry rage.  The woman waved her hands in the air and screamed at Healy alternating between English and Arabic. She gestured at him, pacing to and fro for twenty minutes while a drained Healy looked on through his coke-bottled glasses.

Suddenly, she stopped.  She then looked him squarely in the eye, and moved toward him stopping at nose length. She raised her golden cane so that the handle baring the image of the Egyptian God Horus stared upon him. The woman breathed on him, and in a heavy accent chanted, "As a direct descendant of the royal family of Queen Nefertiti, King Akhenten, and King Tutankhamen, I set your fate! From this day forward, you are cursed. Any campaign you oversee, will crumble. Your plans will run-afoul. And men will laugh. "  Trembling, young Healy put his head down, and walked out in the November frost. He never to returned to that town again.

The Healy Curse Today

The appearance of this Pharaoh on
your doorstep will bring doom!
As readers are aware, there is no question about the lingering effects of the dreaded Healy Curse.  One doesn't have to look much further then the results of last few years to see that the curse as alive and well.  From a sympatheic perspective, we sense this must be painful.  Can you imagine the personal horror associated with knowing that everything you touch turns to dust? Seeing the fear in people's eyes because they know you have the reverse-Midas touch?

For those who don't believe, let us provide some evidence.

In 2006, Healy managed Rob Simmons re-election campaign to failure.  Simmons lost by a mere 88 votes - certainly an avoidable loss caused by a strategic blunder in the Mansfield-Storrs area.

As Chairman, the Connecticut Republican Party lost a favorable Republican Congressional District, seeing an overall reduction from six seats to five. 

2008: Under his Chairmanship all Federal offices were lost to Democrats.

2010: All federal offices remained Democrat while National Republicans recaptured the House of Representatives, and picked up U.S. Senate seats.  

2010:  Connecticut's Governorship turned Democrat after a failed get out the vote strategy. Democrats took most State Offices, and kept majorities in the StateHouse and State Senate.

In 2010, the Connecticut Republican Party nearly went bankrupt, and the Party torn asunder by corruption through vote purchasing, profiteering, and cronyism during the State Convention and the US. Senate Race.

Also in 2010, his short lived campaign for Republican National Chairman failed, then he jumped on board to support Gentry Collins, where he publicly assailed the eventual RNC Chairmanship winner Reince Priebus. 

2011: Healy joins Tim Pawlenty Presidential Campaign.  After a few months, it folds.

2011: Healy runs Middletown Mayor Sebastian Guiliano's re-election campaign. Guiliano loses re-election.

2012: Healy named head of Rick Perry's Connecticut Presidential team.  Perry drops out.

2012: Healy takes over Lisa Wilson-Foley's campaign.  Result?? TBD.  (But you know where I'd put my money if I were a gambling man.)

I've only highlighted a few examples from the Healy Curse. I'm sure there are many more fine examples that can be highlighted by our readers.  It makes you really wonder why so many people follow this guy given his track record. Why allow him to set up a shadow State Chairmanship knowing that the result will always be the same?
Dr. Hawass is frightened for the public
In fact, the Healy Curse has become so well known, that Dr. Zahi Hawass, Secretary General of the Supreme Council of Antiquities in Egypt has publicly expressed concern about the situation.  In a recent letter to CTGOP Chairman Jerry Labriola, Jr., he wrote, "A Curse of this magnitude should not be taken lightly. Perhaps it would be better if Healy himself were shipped to Cairo to be made a permanent part of our exhibit.  He would make a fine addition to our collection of artifacts."

In closing, my dear candidates - local, state, or federal - if you see Pharaoh Healy headed toward your campaign office - lock the door, turn out the lights, and grab your protective amulet.  Else, your campaign may suffer the consequences of the deadly Healy Curse!

Be Warned!  Be on your guard!



Have a great Weekend! Enjoy the snow! 

Disclaimer: This entry and others will be modified/updated at a future date. All entries are for the sole purpose of entertainment.  No Egyptians were hurt during the creation of this piece.   All rights reserved, except those with curses and infectious diseases.


Anonymous said...

You forgot about Rob Simmons 2006 campaign.

Anonymous said...

He ran seb giuliano's winning campaign in 2007

The King said...

Thank you. Amended.