Today is the King's Birthday...

Ok, this post is meant to be fun because today is my birthday. I usually hate my birthday which is a very poor attitude - even for a King. But since I shouldn't take it out on my loyal subjects and fellow citizens of Camelot (i.e. West Hartford), I order the following edicts to take place immediately.

(Disclaimer: Obeying the King's edicts may get you into trouble. Obey them at your own risk).

Herein 11 July in the 2007th year of the Lord Our God, the following edicts are so ordered:

1. All Citizens are to be given the day off. You must spend the day with your family, wife, or significant other. If you are reading this from work (as many of you do), you must IMMEDIATELY go to your mode of transportation, vehicle, or abscond your car pool vehicle - and go home. If you cannot find transportation, you must walk. This is partially a penalty for not reading me in the early morning with a cup of Joe, and realizing that you didn't have to go to work in the first place!

Sub Edict a. All Disney theme park employees must report to work (sorry, but in turn - your pay is to be tripled today).

Sub Edict b. Disney World, Disney Land and all Disney Theme Parks are to be open today. There will be NO FEES imposed today on entry into any Disney Theme Park. (and yes, I know this sound like how the West Hartford Town Council figures their math, but its my B-day, so don't whine, and just go with it. OK?)

Sub Edict c. All Union employees serving the public interest must go to work. (How else will we protect the kingdom and get the children to the theme parks?)

2. Effective IMMEDIATELY, the BOSTON RED SOX are ordered to play baseball on the King's Birthday: July 11th, this year and every year. It is not fair that the King is unable to attend a RED SOX game because of all of this All Star nonsense. I do not care who the RED SOX choose as their opponent, as long as its a team with a losing record. The opposing team must play using National League rules.

Sub Edict a: BARRY BONDS is to be banned from baseball, and his record expunged. He is to be tested for steroids and enhancement drugs IMMEDIATELY and the testing process is to be televised on CSPAN for all to see.

Sub Edict b: ALL baseball players found using Sterioids going forward are to be banned for life. "ONE and DONE." Teams found with players found guilty of Steroid use will NOT be able to call up, replace, or trade for a replacement player on the roster for three years. If you aren't enforcing the rules and testing, then you, as organizations, MUST pay the price too! Tough doodles! AL whiners - use your pitcher as the DH, or play short. You deserve to lose for cheating anyway!

3. By Edict: All Episcopal Parishes are now under the sole ownership of their members. By majority vote, Parishioners may decide how they want to worship and align themselves. This includes which prayer book and hymnal they wish to you use. The authoritarian regime known as the ECUSA is IMMEDIATELY DISBANDED. Jeffers-Schori and ANDREW SMITH are to be immediately defrocked and tried for TREASON. David Beers is to be DISBARRED FOR LIFE and thrown in jail. A trial for David Beers isn't required, after all, he should receive the same respect he has given the CT Six and all other dioceses and parishes that have fallen under his legal attacks and lawsuits.

a. Jeffers-Schori, Andrew Smith, and David Beers are to be placed, side by side, naked, in the STOCK at the OLD STATE HOUSE in HARTFORD for a period of not less than 60 days prior to serving their jail terms. This is to teach them humility in the face of all the pain they have caused others to suffer allegedly in name of the LORD.

4. GUY FAWKES DAY is to be celebrated globally on November 5th each year. West Hartford residents may use effigies of members of the Town Council or Board of Education to be burned in a bonfire in the place of Guy Fawkes.

5. PRUSSIA is to be RE-ESTABLISHED as a KINGDOM according to the maps of the early 1900s and before. While no one is to be evicted from their lands, the boundaries are to be re-established as they once were. It is a fact that the world was a better place when PRUSSIA was around. Those living in this new province are to be given the option of PRUSSIAN CITIZENSHIP or entitled to leave.

6. All captains of the AMERICAS CUP YACHTING TOURNAMENT must stand trial and explain how a land-locked nation-state such as SWITZERLAND using the vessel ALINGHI continues to win the WORLD YACHTING CHAMPIONSHIP. While the King supports ALINGHI and her fine captain and crew, its dumbfounding to comprehend how the Aussies, Brits, Americans, New Zealanders, Portuguese, and all other worthy sea-faring nations fall to SWITZERLAND.

7. West Hartford's mill rate is to be reduced to 27. We cannot wait for Mayor Slifka to weasel his way out of the promise he made to reduce the mill rate to 27. Therefore, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY - the mill rate is 27.

8. West Hartford tax rates are to be rolled back to 1989 rates. And the teacher's union is HEREBY disband. Enough of their insolence!

9. The 2008 Presidential Election is cancelled or postponed for another 4 years. The quality of candidates in the field is about as unimpressive as never before seen. In fact, every proposed candidate on either side is enough to make one sick. AND I MEAN EACH and EVERY ONE! And from the looks of things, each one of these people have the attitude, behavior, and lack of strategic thinking that will most like make things WORSE than what it already is. So by skipping it, we can hope that other people get involved in four years and we can save the taxpayers money in the process. WHAT A MESS!

10. The creators and programmers at BLOGGER must IMMEDIATELY correct their formatting snafus so that huge gaping spaces don't appear when pictures are added to posts! This causes a HUGE headache in terms of REFORMATTING for AUTHORS of BLOGS!

So, there you have it. I went light. All of you, have a good day on me!